moving on...

i have moved on...

follow me at zefannika.blogspot.com

2010 to 2011... new things, new experiences, new friends...

cheers!

it feels good to fall in love again, huh? :)

feels good to reach out your arms... knowing that someone is there to pull you up when you're down or manage to break your fall when you trip, right?! :)

well, i'm thankful... i never thought that i'd be happy again... but i am! and i'm damned proud of myself for being able to stand up and move on... kinda like stopping and smelling the flowers again... aaahhh, life has been kind...

thank God for this heaven sent Angel who helped me see life's wonderful colors again...

thanks Prom... :)

What Kind of Soul Am I?

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy.While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit.You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice.

Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

untitled...

i was waiting for the sun to rise
looking out and finding you in surprise
days were long and nights were few
i wonder if it was really you...

finding you out there only made me realize
that love at first sight was a sacrifice
wishing that this could have never been
for just a simple smile that i could have seen...

the simple smile that i did see
has turned into laughter, that's why you see,
i can't back-out now
because of the love i feel deep down...

time has come and my expectations soared high
i thought i saw love in your eyes
only to remind me that friendship was all it was ever going to be
and now, all i want is to hide 'coz i'm so embarassed inside...

i have learned from my mistake
wishing that this would not happen again
to forget the pain that is not easy to heal
will be my stepping stone to love again...

iNviSibLE...

when will i find the guts
to say what's in my heart...
how can i let it out
when my mind has too much doubt...

i dont want for you to know
my feelings i'll never show...
all i want is for you to remember me
ever in your wildest memory...

and eventhough it makes me feel low
i will never let go...
but for now all i am is a shadow
my love for you will ever be...

INVISIBLE...

it all starts with yourself...

i once had a friend who thought he can move the world with just a snap of his fingers...
he's a dreamer and a big one at that... it wasn't wrong, it wasn't even impossible, it was in fact... admirable... it was just how one can go about it...

i asked him one time, "how can you do it?" and he said, "Oh, that's easy..."
but he never said when, why or how...
i thought, okay! everyone's entitled to dream and to dream big at that...
but how can you move the world with a snap of your fingers if you dont even snap them?
it all starts with oneself...

start snapping your fingers, i say...
maybe then, you'd be able to move the world as you want it to be...

in this life, we are not magicians... if we want something to change we have to change ourselves first... great things do come with small beginnings... and it just doesn't happen overnight...
we all have to work hard, think positive and never give up... then maybe one day, what we truly want and what we truly deserve will be ours... for the taking...

we are the same...

eversince i can walk the walk and talk the talk, i have been perceived as the wild and bad...

i like havin the crazy ideas and yes, the naughty gestures, but dont they see? its just a bit of who i really am? its not who makes me a whole... its just part and parcel of who i really am...

cant understand some folks when they start to stereotype you as "that kind of person"...

as if you dont have the right to be "good" or "quiet" or even "shy"... why is that so?...

you do them no harm and yet all they see is the tiny black dot on a piece of white paper...

im just an ordinary person like you and everyone else... im not perfect but i certainly have my wits around me... intact and yet waiting to be found...

i dont speak any differently than you do, im just someone who wants to have fun and yet...

i dont dress differently either and yet... we follow the same laws, we eat the same food, we are law abinding citizens but... sad to say, you think of me differently...

i am not anymore different than you or them... im a person, with feelings and emotions... so thread softly, my friend... and dont judge me at will, until you've known me well...

my song...

Knew the signs

Wasn't rightI was stupid for a while

Swept away by you

And now I feel like a fool

So confused,My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach,Couldn't see

We were neverMeant to be

Catch myself

From despair

I could drown...If I stay here

Keeping busy...everyday

I know I will be OK

But I was

So confused

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach,Couldn't see

We were neverMeant to be

So much hurt

So much pain

Takes a while

To regain

What is lost... inside

And I hope that in time

You'll be out of my mind

And I'll be over you

But now I'm...So confused,

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,So far

I never had your heart

Out of reach,Couldn't see

We were neverMeant to be

Out of reach,So far

You never gave your heart

In my reach, I can see

There's a life out there

For me.

sum1 juz lyk u...

from my childhood days of sweetdreams and fantasies,
i asked for someone just like you...
someone thoughtful, caring and sweet,
yeah, someone just like you...

he understands me in every way,
he takes care of me even if im okay...
he showers me with love and affection
and yes! he's nearly perfect in my opinioin...

i asked the lord really hard,
for someone just like you, i might say...
day and night i knelt and prayed,
for someone just like you to come my way...

Believing in dreams and fantasies was just a game,
until you came today...
in flesh and blood you took my hand,
then i knew without saying, "I NEED YOU,"
you would stay...

now, i knelt and prayed,
thanking the Lord for this day...
i didn't know that simple wishes came true,
but im so glad i found you...
we're together...
and we're okay...

the gurl who poured her heart out...

once, a gurl cried many tears because a special friend of hers drifted away...
they talked and the guy realized that he cant continue what they are havin bcoz the guy has fallen for someone else...

someone who was exciting, new and interesting...
someone who is always near him and can be with him after the day was over...
to talk about things and spend the night strolling, holding hands and kissing...
someone who doesnt mind getting wet by the rain coz she was carefree...
and she knew the guy would be in constant touch to give out caring words and sweet nothings...

the gurl who cried her heart out was left with no concrete reason as to why...
no shoulders to cry on...
and no one to belong...

the gurl who cried thought that they would make the relationship work, bcoz she didnt know that there was someone else...
so after she cried, she prayed for strength...
and she was almost over the guy for a time until...
the guys mom talked with her and asked for her version of the story...

naturally, the gurl obliged... told the guys mom dat it wasn't her call...
that it wasnt her style...
but of course, the mom encouraged, supported and short of desperate pleading asked the gurl who cried to win her son back again... so everything would be okay again...
the guy would have someone to "belong" to...
and a direction to take and not be lost in "breaking free" and finding his own happiness everywhere...

the gurl who cried was shocked but needless to say, she complied...
she said, "i'll try mommy... but i cant promise anythin... it's so hard to force yourself on someone who doesnt want you anymore..."
the mother was silent...
almost in tears, she said, "try ___... try hard... force him if he wont budge..." then laughed...

of course, the gurl who cried was flattered...
and was challenged to take on the task at hand...
and so, she's with the guy again taking care of him,giving herself without thought for the consequences...
without thought if she were to succeed or fail...
simply bcoz she was a positive-thinker...
she hoped and prayed...
damn it for being so hard...
but she had to grit her teeth and smile until her face hurts...

the time came that the gurl can endure no more...
asked the guy if she still had a place in his heart...
the guy wasnt able to answer...
so again... ouch! for the gurl who cried...
then it was time for a decision...
the gurl who cried told the guy that the breaking free time that she gave was up... he has to decide and give her an answer...

gurl: are you into her already? do u love her that much?
guy: (looking down) yeah, i guess so...
gurl: (hurting but expected the answer) so, this is goodbye?
guy: (nodding) yeah...
gurl: make it louder...
guy: yes...

with this scenario at hand, the gurl picked up her things and was about to leave when their common friends stopped her and just go when there is daylight...
the gurl who cried didnt want to cause any commotion, for she was not in her territory... and stayed...
freaky scenario that it was, the gurl txted the guy to take care of himself, to relax and to not to think of what had happened so the guy wouldnt be burdened and feel guilty...
then... the guy broke down, asked to be taken back... everybody is right except for me... that was his line...

the gurl who cried was so confused... ddnt know if he was sure of his decision this time... she kept on consoling the gurl who cried... to give him another chance so that they'd be together again... to let him learn to love her again... to put a 100% in makin git work...

aghast the gurl was she had to ask... "are you sure this is what you want?" around 3 times...
and the guy said... "yes! this is what i want! juz be there and help me pull this through... don't leave..."
the gurl asked, do you still feel something for me?
and the guy said yes... why would i ask for it to be worked out, why would i come back if there was none...
and so they kissed and made up...
and promised to try their best to make it really work this time...

they talked...they went out...
although the guy cared the gurl was confused if she was still inlove with the guy or was just pushed by different forces... but she tried...
she took in all her pride and dignity and took him back...

one day, the gurl said, i love you... just to see how he would answer...
the guy said, uhm, sorry if im not able to reciprocate... i want to say it when i really mean it...
and so the gurl, hurt as she was, accepted that... she loved him... what would she do?...

and that kept her thinking... why did the guy asked to be taken back when he wasnt even sure of how he felt...
was it because the gurl who cried was convenient?
was it because the gurl who cried was liked by his family and friends and thought she was the right 1 for him?
was it because the gurl who cried... loves him and the someone new is attached but kept giving him mixed signals?
or was it because he pitied her?

up to this day, the gurl who cried is so confused...
still asking...
still wondering...
still getting hurt everyday...
but loved endlessly and didnt ask for anything...

but one day, amidst the guys promise to not reach out for the someone new, the gurl who cried found out that the guy still kept in touch with the someone new...
expressed his heart out publicly but anonymously... hoping that this someone new would pay attention to him... offered to let him take care of her better than the 1 she's currently with...
of course, it hurt... the gurl who cried was saddened but she had to be strong...
for herself, for the guy and for all those expectant family and friends...
that's why the gurl who cried said, "if you really cant find it in your heart to love me again... then dont... dont force it... "

true, brave words but inside she was bleeding... begging for a transplant...
to utter those words were sheer torture... but she had to say it... only to ease the guys conscience and guilt...

what would you do if you were in the gurls place?
to let go and be trampled by pain,confusion and regret?
or to chill and let things take its course naturally... also hoping and getting hurt in the process not knowing wat will happen in the end?

either way, i know she'd be hurt...

one part is saying to hold on... patience is a virtue... the guy was just confused...
but a bigger part is wishin that this would be done and over with... total detachment...
and for that the gurl who cried has to give way... to let go...
no matter how it would hurt...

what would you do if you were in the guys place?
to let your mind choose... the stable one? the one you're supposed to be with?
or to go follow your heart and risk losing something?

either way, i know the guy would be unhappy...

and maybe, the gurl who cried would be able to smile again...
if she'll be sane by then...

pain... and selflessness...

have u ever experienced feelin pain that it literally sliced ur heart?
have u ever experienced havin the wind knocked out from under you?
tried to get up but cant...
tried to ignore it but it was constantly there?

how about bein trampled by several things at once? (hands, feet, arms, legs...)
and wat about cutting ur self but u felt numbed...
tried to cope but cant...
tried to shield urself but failed?

how about smilin outsyd and cryin insyd?
how about giving that ignoring look yet ur mad as hell insyd?
i tried... i tried...
wasnt able to help it...

bein a hypocrite?
havin two-faces?
makin lies...
ignoring urself...
just so the 1 involved woudnt suffer as much as you did?
sheltering someone else...
yet leaving urself exposed...

if u havent felt any of this... ur damn lucky...
coz i did, i still am...
and i dont know if i could make it back agen...
whole... not shattered...
for there's nothing definite... they say...

WHAT WOULD YOU BE LIKE?

WHAT WOULD YOU BE LIKE?

If I were a month I would be:> November (sweet november…)

If I were a day of the week I would be:> Friday (hassle free)

If I were a time of day I would be:> 3 am (yeah, productive time…)

If I were a planet I would be:> mars (mysterious… very few survive…)

If I were a sea animal I would be:> DEAD… (too much pollution…)

If I were a direction I would be:> down south (heaven’s that way… ;p)

If I were a sin I would be:> adultery… (uhm, nobody will react…)

If I were a historical figure I would be:> a pyramid… (enchanting yet fatal…)

If I were a liquid I would be:> tequila (is this counted?)

If I were a stone, I would be:> ruby (red and precious…)

If I were a tree, I would be:> fire tree (the one with red orange blooms…)

If I were a bird, I would be:> woodpecker (so I could carve out my life…)

If I were a flower/plant, I would be:> tulips and roses

If I were a kind of weather, I would be:> autumn (not too hot and not too cold)

If I were a musical instrument, I would be:> chimes (even if im not played, I still make music…)
If I were a color, I would be:> red

If I were a mythical creature, I would be:> nymph
If I were an emotion, I would be:> acceptance

If I were an animal, I would be:> cat

If I were a vegetable, I would be:> cauliflower

If I were a sound, I would be:> everywhere

If I were an element, I would be:> oxygen (so I can help others breathe…)

If I were a car, I would be:> stranded…

If I were a song, I would be:> played over and over again…

If I were a movie, I would be directed by:> GOD

If I were a book, I would be written by:> heretics

If I were a food, I would be:> chocolates…

If I were a place, I would be:> a secret hideaway…

If I were an object, I would be:> pen & paper

If I were a taste, I would be:> addictive… (;p)

If I were a religion, I would be:> catholic

If I were a word/s, I would be:> bitchy…

If I were a body part I would be:> my mouth…

If I were a facial expression I would be:> ;p

If I were a subject in school I would be:> greek mythology

If I were a cartoon character I would be:> LiLO

If I were a shape I would be a/an:> flexible…

If I were a number I would be:> 2 (always a number 2…)

It's Maybe Because...

do u know y im stil here?

do u know y i stil hang-on?

do you know y i tryd 2 hold on?

do u know y?

it's mayb bcoz...

is it bcoz ur gud 2 luk at?

or is it bcoz ur voyc melts my heart?

or maybe bcoz u tore my heart apart?

do u know y?

it's mayb bcoz...

u wer my first, even if u wudn't bliv it.

sumthin' hapend bak then,even if u wudn't accept it.

but even though u've hurt me lyk hell,

still i ddn't giv up,

do u know y?

it's maybe bcoz...

u were once d reason y i was inspired,

u were once d reason y i was happy,

u were even once d reason y i cried,

do u know y?

it's mayb bcoz...

u were supposed 2 b my shield from hurt,

u were supposed 2 b my heaven & earth,

u were supposed 2 b my friend wen no 1 was der,

y am i stil here?

it's maybe bcoz...

a thousand more reasons 2 giv up,

a single reason 2 hold on,

a simple acceptance of r differences,

a simple urge 2 make this work,

do u know y?

it's mayb bcoz...

am i fyting a losing battle?

am i trying 2 hard?

or maybe, im simply not d 1 u want...

u tell me now whyl im still here,

bcoz wen im gone,

ders no turning back,

do u knw y i still hold on?

it's mayb bcoz...

tell me evrthin' dats true and

don't feed me a pack of lies,

even if honesty is d best policy,

i ddn't know it cud hurt so much,

but im still not giving up,

do u know y?

it's maybe bcoz...

i think, u know, i understand u.

i think u know, i care 4 u.

i think u know, i accept u.

do u know y i feel all these?

it's mayb bcoz...

i think, u know d reason,

i dont need 2 tell u,

i think, u know d reason,

i dont need 2 wryt it,

i think, u know d reason,

u don't need 2 read it,

do u already know y?

it's mayb bcoz...

i love you...